Midsummer

I know I've been writing more lately, but this is probably a much shorter note than those of the past few days, and significantly more upbeat. This is a very inappropriate note, so if you are easily offended (mom), please don't comment. I am sharing this story in the spirit of my Uncle Edward Bailey, who recently died and is missed by family and friends. I know he would have enjoyed this story:

Last night I woke up around 3 am. For those of you who are confused, it is 7 am here, but my clock on this blog is still set for home, hence the midnight post time. I needed to make a trip to the outhouse. I didn't want to go, as I could hear that it was drizzling. I tried to go back to sleep, with no luck. I got up and went out to take care of my business. A little groggy from the hour, I wasn't really paying attention, and proceeded to do my business. Suddenly, I hear something at my feet. It sort of freaks me out when I feel pecking at my ankles. Suddenly the rooster who has left his coop and is sharing the outhouse with me begins to crow and then continues to sort of peck at me! I wasn't quite done, and couldn't really get up and leave. I am sure he was as freaked out as I was, but now it just cracks me up. So for all of you who have been wondering if I am getting any action, I did have a little cock last night, but it was a little more than I bargained for!! Gotta love Moldova! Happy Midsummer! The sun is shining and life is good!

Questions and answers

Here are some more questions about Moldova, and my time here, along with my answers. Again, as the disclaimer states at the top of this page, these are my reflections and do not reflect the Peace Corps in any way, except that I am here because of my volunteer status.

1. What kinds of cars do people drive? I have seen mostly Volkswagen's, Lada's (a Russian car), Skoda's (another Russian car), Mercedes and Volvo's. Also, many, many more people seem to have horses and wagons for field work although there doesn't seem to be a problem driving any car into any field. Most of the cars here are well used, and the majority have at least one broken windshield, and many have shattered glass in both the front and back windows. This is also true for almost all of the buses I have ridden in as well. I don't believe that there can be an inspection process in Moldova based upon what I see driving on the roads here.

2. What do people eat there? How is the food? Cabbage is a daily staple here. I have had it almost everyday since arriving, prepared in more ways than I thought possible. Cabbage is followed closely in popularity by potatoes. The food here is generally pretty good. This time of year the eating is easier, as all produce is organic and healthy all the time. There is a homemade cheese called Brinza, made from cow, goat or sheep milk that is pretty good, and offered up daily. This week I have been eating fresh peas and raspberries from the garden, along with cabbage and potatoes. Moldovans in the village typically eat their big (hot)meal in the middle of the day. Today it was roasted potatoes and a chicken leg. The chicken was running around in the hen house last week.

3. Is there television? What do people watch? Yes, there is television everywhere. There are satellite dishes and antennas everywhere in the village. If people use an antenna, as they do here at this house, the best reception in this part of Moldova is exclusively Russian speaking, with sub-titles into Ukrainian. The programming here is coming out of Odessa for the most part. Where I was living before there was much more Romanian television available. I don't watch television much at home, so I don't miss it here. I did watch some parts of "Freaky Friday" and "Home Alone" in Russian.

4. What kinds of trees/flowers/plants do people grow? The gardens here are amazing, and every family has a house garden where they grow both flowers and vegetables. There are fruit trees in every yard. Here at this house there are several variations of cherries, peaches, plums, apricots, and of course grapes everywhere. In addition to the house garden, many people also have a field garden out of town, where they grow corn, melons, pumpkins and other vegetables. Every household preserves fruits and vegetables to eat year round. I am told that winter eating is a lot of pickled food. Almost every house has a "betch", or root cellar, and things are kept there. The trees and flowers are very similar to the US. The catalpa trees are flowering now. In addition to the fruit trees there are walnut and chestnut trees. Flowers are everywhere, and everyone here loves to give and receive flowers. The children are not discouraged from picking public flowers and flowers are offered up at most public events.

5. What do you like best? I like eating healthy food all the time. I like when the sun shines. I like practicing a new language. I like meeting new people. I like walking everywhere.

6. What are you going to do after the Peace Corps? Too soon to know for sure.

7. Have you been to the Church? I was in the church in Magdacesti at Orthodox Easter, but have not attended a full length service. The Orthodox service last several hours on a Sunday and there are no pews. People stand for hours. I am not that curious about it.

8. Will you be able to vote? Yes. I participated in the Maine caucus before I left home, and I plan to vote.

9. Are you taking care of yourself? Yes, of course I am. My physical health is better than it has been in many, many years. My emotional health is not as solid, but I am strong enough to figure out what I need to do to maintain that as well. No one need worry about me.

10. What do you miss most? Family, friends, familiar routines, soaking in a hot tub, getting my hair and nails done!

11. What have you been reading? Lots and lots of stuff. The Peace Corps library has a good selection. I will try to add a listing of books read to this blog sometime soon, along with uploading all my picture. I still have a long list of things to do here, both professionally and personally!

12. What are people like there? The people here are like people everywhere. Mostly hardworking, dedicated family folks. There are some very traditional roles that are played out within this village. Men do not usually acknowledge women in public, and many more men than women are outside of the house. Women are pretty closely tied to the home and house work. Men seem to be out and about with much more freedom, but that also might be true everywhere.

So that is it for the questions that I have gotten recently. I wanted to acknowledge that today is John's birthday. He would have been 54 today, matching the year of his birth. Even after all these years there is an void left by his decision that can never be filled. I now wear his loneliness like a crown of thorns; A martyr to the emptiness that he left. It is hard for both Linnea and for me to figure out ways to fill that loss. I know that given the choice a few months ago, I listened to my head and not my heart. I ran, when every emotional cell in my body wanted to stay in Maine and see what the journey there might bring. My favorite defense mechanisms have always been escapism and rationalization, and it was easy enough to rationalize this Peace Corps decision as a thoughtful one. I had thought about it for years, that is a fact. What I was never prepared for was to rationalize was the way that decision has allowed my loneliness to fester. John taught me that it is easier in many ways to be the one leaving, rather than the one left behind; to be the one who pushes away, rather than face any inevitable rejection. I'm the one who left, against what my emotions wanted, believing that my brain was stronger than my heart. Today I am not so sure that is true. I hope that someone goes and puts flowers on his grave and remembers what a good man he was.

A visit from the President and two funerals

Today, or actually yesterday, now that it is past midnight here, the President of Moldova, Mr. Vronin, came to the village to cut the ribbon on our newly paved main street, and to talk about agriculture. I could not really hear him over the crowd, so I am not sure what he was talking about, but there was a fair amount of pomp and circumstance all over town.

On Monday I had traveled to Chisinau for the day to attend my first VAC meeting. It was a really long day, as I leave at 5 am and then missed the 2:30 pm bus to return home, and took the 5 pm bus, returning home around 8:30. Long day. When I got back to the house Lidia told me that there were two young people in town who died on Monday. One was a young woman, maybe 18 or so, who has had cancer for the past three years. Her mother is a teacher at the Russian school, and different people in the town have raised money, sending her to Germany for treatment at one point. The other loss was a young man, now living in the capital, who fell from a 5th story balcony there.

I left the house this morning just before 9 to go for a walk, aware of this information, but unprepared to see four young men carrying an open casket just past my house and down the main street, followed by many, many of my neighbors. Someone, a family member I am guessing, left the procession to offer me a gift of a tea cup, a chocolate, a handkerchief, a candle and matches. I am not sure of the significance of the gifts, but I was moved. The procession was lead by the priest and at each intersection the pall bearers put down their load, and there were prayers and lots of incense. It was very moving, and reminded me how fragile life is.

Like at graduation, and every other celebration I have attended here in Moldova, there were literally thousands of flowers that were everywhere in town. It is rose season, and there were roses even in the street between the church and the cemetery, and petals strewn all over the floor of the church. It was very pretty, but sad.

This was followed by some sad news from home. News that I was expecting, but sad for me none the less. I know that all things happen for a reason, but I have held onto a hope and a dream that I need to let go of. It makes me sad...

Good thing I know tomorrow is another day.

Reflections

Well, here it is the middle of June, and a big day for me and my parents who today have enjoyed that status for the past fifty years. Whew! Time does fly when you are having fun! It seems like just a few years ago that I was a young kid, and most days I still feel pretty much like a kid. I want to be live a life like my grandmother, still rocking and rolling at 90. Here is a picture of my celebration at Renell's!

To all of you who have been so supportive with email, calls, and attention while I have been in a BMW (bitch, moan, whine) funk for the past few weeks, or maybe its been months, thank you all for your support. I think more than anything I was surprised by how I felt about this recent journey when it actually came to happen. Like many things, the whole Peace Corps process prior to actually coming to Moldova was a "hurry up and wait" kind of thing. I waited for months to actually get invited, and then once invited, felt like I just didn't have quite enough time to wrap up all the details that needed to get done. I was so focused on wrapping things up at work, and with the houses, that I don't know that I really took the time before I left to prepare myself emotionally to "let go". The first two and a half months of training were so packed, and the past month has been so much slower, I am feeling like I am just now able to spend some time on the emotional processes of enjoying myself, and remembering why the Peace Corps matters to me.

So here it is, and if you have heard me on this soapbox before, please skip the following:

This journey has been something that I have thought about for many years, since being a teenager and hearing the Katter's talk about their Peace Corps adventures in Africa in the late '60's. I have always loved travel, language, culture. But really, it has always been less about what I want, and what I think is important in life. Service is important, responsibility is important, loyalty is important, fidelity is important, and peace is important. For me, the decision to apply at the time that I did was driven by the national political stance that did not agree with my personal pacifist stance. I think it is important that Americans are seen as good, peaceful, and productive members of the world community, and not interested only in world domination and war. This is not a comment on American international politics as much as it is about my belief that if you are not a part of the solution, then maybe you are a part of the problem, and a personal need to act in response to the state of the world. I want to make a difference. I know I will meet people here who have never met an American before, and I want that experience to be a positive one for them, and for me. I am proud to be an American, and this experience has reinforced that pride. I don't feel that pride in a boastful way, but as a gift of my family, and home and community, in a grateful way. I have been really blessed my whole life to have had the love and support of family and friends who have given me so much. I have always wanted to share those blessings with others who may not have had the same good fortune that I have had.

This past week, volunteers were asked to complete the Biennial Volunteer Survey. The questions were mostly about volunteer satisfaction, and among them was the question of whether you would recommend the Peace Corps experience to others. I absolutely would. My struggles here have been of a personal nature and not reflective in any way of any issue with the Peace Corps. I have been impressed by the level of support, leadership and infrastructure that is PC Moldova.

So, now I think I am moving out of the funk and into the real work. I am excited and ready. This past week I went to Chisinau on Thursday with my partner and gave a VERY brief speech in Romanian. My fellow volunteer, Rian, who had a little more lead time, and had a phenomenal powerpoint presentation, and a speech written out, but I did okay with "winging"it. Not impressive, but I went and did my best under the circumstances. Plus, I went to the PC office and had 2 packages! Thanks Mom and Dad, Bob and Kim! You guys made my day! Today, Renell had a gathering at her place, tacos and birthday cake. It was a good day. Monday I am back in Chisinau for my first VAC meeting. It is always a long day going into Chisinau, so tomorrow I'll just relax. Happy Father's Day to my Dad, and to all the dad's out there who read this. I miss you, and hope you know how much your support has meant to me all these years. Love ya, Jami

A little more cheating

This is a quote that I found recently. I think it was given to us in the very early days of training, but it means something to me now, that didn't compute when I first read it:

Nothing in the world can take the place of persistance. Talent will not, nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genuis is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistance and determination alone are omnipotent" - Calvin Coolidge. Perhaps not our most famous president, but he perservered to the presidency. I am staying the course, especially when challenged.

Speaking of challenges, the most recent challenges have been of the boredom, not enough "real" work. I certainly stay busy, but it feels more like busy work, than the helpful work I came here expecting to do. This past week, I did attend a seminar on some legal aspects that NGO's face in working with municipal government. One of the presenters was an American, so that part was easy to understand, and the rest was in Romanian, and I did understand the general gist of the presentations. That was Tuesday. Friday was a trip into Stefan Voda for a haircut. Three dollars for the haircut, and 50 cents to get my eyebrows plucked. I feel like a new woman. The rest of the week was filled with walking, swatting at mosquitos, reading and studying. I wrote job descriptions in Romanian for the day center, and conjucated verbs. Life is slow.

Cheating

I called this post "cheating", because I am planning to cut and paste most of the posting from other sources. Maybe I'll write more, but it's almost midnight here, so I doubt that I will do more than this. The first thing I wanted to share was a poem written by one of my fellow M-22 volunteers, Na'Ima Perkins:

5/15/08
“Moldova – Month 2.5”
People constantly ask me how I like Moldova.
And they watch me intently for a response
I always give the simplest response I know, which is “I like it a lot.”
But the truth is that right now, I like it as much as I like walking into a deep, dark cave in the middle of a pefectly
bright and sunny day.
I like it as much as I do those first terrifying moments when I breach the mouth of a cave and I have difficultly
catching my breath because I cannot sense the true depth of the cavity into which I’ve hurled myself.
It’s at this moment that my reality becomes suspended and my body clamors to adjust to my drastically changed
environment.
All of my senses are engaged to this end.
My eyes struggle to perform their solitary task of illuminating the strange and unknown world I’ve entered,
begging it to unfold and reveal itself to me.
This is the moment that is currently my life.
It has stretched itself unnaturally through time and persists daily.
Don’t get me wrong.
I love caves.
A lot.
A whole lot in fact.
They are wondrous monuments and testaments to the deliciously complex world in which we live and they never cease to amaze or disappoint me.
I will always love exploring caves despite those initial moments of what can only be described as suffocating and alarming.
Once my eyes adjust and I can make out the forms around me and learn to appreciate the complexity that surrounds me, I’m sure that I’ll love Moldova, too.
Until then, I’ll keep trying to catch my breath in the darkness.
- Na’Ima Perkins

Thanks, Na'Ima. Sums it up pretty well...

The other thing that I wanted to include here was an email that I received from another reader, David's mother. David is currently serving here with me, also as a member of our M-22 group. He is in the far north, so I don't imagine I'll see him often. Here is the note I received from his mother, specifically about mail:

Hi Jami,

You don’t know me, but I’m a faithful reader of your blog. My son David is in your M-22 group. He was in Ratus for training; now in Criva. I’m following a few blogs of other Moldovan volunteers; sort of my own sanity preserver for news and reflections on the experience in between times David manages his own blog update.

Anyway, I mail things to David regularly. So far only one package has not made it to the PC office, a box my daughter sent. We think the problem there was that she was too literal in her customs declaration. She recorded ‘chocolate’ and ‘DVD’ where I have been writing ‘motion picture’ and ‘sweet edibles’ on my form, etc. for any word that might be easily recognized.

That doesn’t answer your concern about the greeting cards (how frustrating!!!) but I read a suggestion on yet another volunteer’s blog once, and I think it’s a good one. Suggest to your friends and family that they enclose those cards in a bubble wrap envelope. The bubble envelope adds negligible weight and therefore postage, but it becomes a package instead of a letter and seemingly less likely to be opened to look for money.

I mostly send David books using flat-rate priority mail envelopes. I can usually get two books in there; sometimes I need to open one in the middle to make it flatter. The priority rate (now $11.85 for the envelope) includes insurance on the contents, so if someone mails things of value, like DVDs or books, there’s recourse if it doesn’t arrive. Of course, the postage is already quite the investment! All of my priority mail has arrived, in about 10 days it seems. Maybe the envelope looks somewhat official, and that reduces the temptation to open it.

I wish you luck on your communications. David is able to text message me when he’d like to chat, and so far I’ve always been able to call him, including on his cell phone. It makes all the difference in the world, for those of us at home as well as for David, I think.

Sincerely,


Carol

So there is my cheating blog. Better than nothing, a good poem and some good advice about mail. I'll write again this week-end about the week, but it's been slow. Later, 'gator. Jami

The first of June

I don't know any poems for the first of June, but it's here already. On one hand, the days seem to pass slowly, but I can't believe that I've been here for 3 full months already. I guess time probably will go pretty quickly, even though there are many days when it feels like the days are just crawling along.

The past week I traveled again to Stefan Voda. I needed to get to the bank, and the closest branch is there. I also visited with another volunteer who is living there, and had a GREAT visit! She has been here almost a year and a half, and is finished in November. She works in the local Art School, and has her own house that she rents. The only problem with the visit was that after I spent the day with her, I was a little jealous of her independence, and I know that I need to figure out how to find a place of my own here in the village. I do sometimes feel like I am imposing into family life here, and really miss having my own space. PC Moldova requires that for the first six months in site that volunteers live with a family. I am sure that there is probably some good rationale for this, but I hope that in five months I am living on my own. Anyway, the visit was fun. She had made a tasty chicken salad lunch, including chocolate chip cupcakes, and we drank Coke with real ice (a first here in Moldova) made from distilled water. Yummy!

Friday was the last day of school here. There wasn't much school going on. I think that is probably the same everywhere in the world. Kids are kids, no matter what language they speak at home. Getting out of school for the summer feels the same everywhere! There was a ceremony on the athletic field, with lots and lots of flowers from everyone's gardens. The roses are especially plentiful here, and so pretty. There were a lot of speeches, and recognition of teachers and students. It wasn't exactly a graduation ceremony, but more of a promotion ceremony, as it included students from all grades. Friday evening at the school there was a concert, where each class did a presentation to the other students. It was mostly the older students, and was a lot like a talent show. Lots of singing and dancing. I am not sure if I have written about this before or not, but I am so surprised at how many men of all ages, including young men and boys, sing and dance publicly here. Its not something I am really used to seeing. The students danced everything from the waltz, to traditional Moldovan dancing (the Hora) to hip-hop, and most of it was very good. There was also a lot of singing, again, a wide variety, and most of it good, or at least interesting.

Yesterday, the village School of Art had its 30th anniversary concert at the House of Culture, or Casa de Cultura. Again, lots of singing and dancing, and lots and lots of speeches. The total event was close to four hours long! I was not prepared for how long it was. Again, mostly good, always interesting, and I could even understand a lot of the speeches, so that's progress, too.

Today there is a soccer tournament at the local soccer field, and tomorrow begins another week. The progress on the Center where I will be working is going surprisingly fast, and they are paving the one main street through town. Life is good. I'll write again soon. I miss you all. Jami