Four weddings and a funeral

No, not the old Hugh Grant movie. This is the tally of events missed to date, not including birthday parties and new babies. So congratulations are in order for Candy, Adrienne, Kristen Tresaloni, and for Danielle, and the funeral, sadly for my Uncle Ed. Best of luck to each of the new brides as they start on a new journey of partnership with their beloved.

I am writing very early on Saturday morning here, Friday night at home, as it has been another up and down kind of week, and I am up and awake now. Last weekend I spend both Saturday and Sunday visiting with Andrea, who lives in the closest village. It is about a two hour walk to her house, so we met both days at the main road to eat ice cream and visit. Surprisingly fun in an otherwise boring weekend. We also agreed to travel together on Tuesday to visit the market at Stefan Voda, and visit with Renell. Tuesday turned out to be a great day. The bus from my village almost broke down, and was filled with rubber-smelling smoke by the time we got to Stefan Voda, but that was the only thing that happened that was not great, for the whole day. We didn't buy anything at the piata, but went to the post office, and then to the bank and the store. In the store I got a text message from Renell saying that she was baking chocolate chip cookies. We got to her house just as the first batch was coming out of the oven! Renell is always a thoughtful hostess, and this trip was no exception. Warm cookies and milk, her friend, Drea, and Andrea and I visited for a few hours. We had such a great visit! Both Renell and Drea are finishing out their service in October. They were so positive about their experience here, and about how quickly the time goes. I was feeling more positive than I have felt in a few weeks, maybe since seeing Teresa and Veronica and traveling to Odessa. A good day, maybe the best since I have been here. The rest of the week, not so much....

Since Wednesday, I have been back to questioning this decision with a new intensity. An intensity that I am sure will pass, and I'm sure I'll work through, but it has been a rough couple of days. I have struggled with the irresponsibility of leaving so many financial matters to my parents, and I have worked through most of that. I surely feel better about some of that, now that my house is rented and they are always reassuring me that it is fine. I have worried about my feelings that I am abandoning Linnea, but she seems to be doing just fine without me most of the time, so that has been reassuring. The last piece of work that I need to figure out, and maybe the hardest of all for me, is figuring out my personal life. Not wanting to share too much, I have struggled to figure out my feelings for a special person. Last month, he had a very rough month, and I think my letters brought him comfort. He wrote some things to me that I held onto and believed. Only a month later, his actions speak louder than the words he wrote, and I am hurting. Hurting in a way that is deeper and more painful because I am isolated from my usual supportive friends and family, and calls and letters just aren't the same as a hug. Its so hard when the people you love the most let you down, because then there is no one to turn to. I can't really talk through and about all of this with him from this distance, and that just makes it worse. Not to worry, the not eating will not kill me, and eventually I will sleep and stop crying, but honestly, I don't think I have felt this bad since John died. It's been rough. The heat and infernal mosquitoes are only negative enhancements on a terrible couple of days, along with the fact that the people that I do know in the village are all at the Black Sea for vacation these last two weeks before school starts. I am not sure that it would be worth the work to try and explain my current status in Romanian, so maybe I should just go with relief that I don't have to talk about these feelings. Not having any other outlet though, is probably the reason the emotional stuff is in the blog. Tomorrow I am going to Chisinau for a VAC meeting, and I'm staying over to see the doctor Monday morning for a B12 shot. If I haven't slept by then, and certainly if I'm still crying like this, I'll ask her for something so I at least sleep. Some of the crying for sure is because I am so tired.

Enough of that, although how I feel and what is happening is not resolved for me. Here is another funny outhouse story, no roosters involved, and more in keeping with my mood this week. Recently, spiders have been building their webs across the door, so that every morning, I have some spider web on my arm, or worse, on my face. Yuck! I didn't know this until yesterday, but they are also building webs across the seat. Most things have enough force to make it through the web with no problem. Not always paper, but I'll leave it at that. Yesterday morning, doing my thing...got a big old spider bite on my ass....that's just the way my week has been! I can't wait to go to Chisinau tomorrow. Life has got to get better soon. Please don't worry, I'm just venting like a fan and air conditioning would be nicer. My room is 87* at 7 am, and I think its the coolest part of the day. Miss you all and hope that you are enjoying the last days of summer vacation....Jami